Abby Stein

Hasidic is a term used to describe the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community inhabiting Brooklyn. The Hasidic community is not only extremely religious, but also very segregated from the rest of New York. The culture of Hasidim (plural of Hasidic) defines life simply by how well they are able to please and obey God. Most of the community does not speak any English, since Yiddish is the language that Hasidic families teach and speak in their households. In addition, there is very limited access to the internet; most Hasidim go their whole lives without having ever been connected to WiFi. Per custom, Hasidic men strictly wear black clothing, keep their beards long, and wear payois— the Ashkenazi word for the long, curled side locks that distinguish Jewish men from non-Jews. Not only is the Hasidic community segregated from the rest of Williamsburg in terms of culture, dress, and language, but there is a literal barrier that keeps them enclosed from the outside world: the eruv. The eruv is a wire partition that separates Jewish households from those of non-Jews. As for the women, they are confined into extreme standards of modesty; after their marriage, they are forced to shave their heads and wear either wigs or other head-coverings in public. They are even restricted from wearing certain bright colors, such as reds and pinks. They also cannot carry items in their hands in public during the Sabbath, including their own children. This system creates a patriarchal society, as men are perceived as superior to their female counterparts. In fact, women are not even allowed to read the Talmud, a sacred religious text.

As she grew older, Stein continued to feel uncomfortable with her perceived male identity. By the time she was six years old, she would collect newspaper clippings about organ transplants, and fantasize about asking a doctor to have a “body transplant” with a female. By the time she was nine years old, she had realized that this was not feasible. As such, she turned to the only option that she felt she had: God. She was taught from a young age that God was all-powerful and could grant all of her wishes, so long as she obeyed his Commandments. Stein states that she would pray every single night, asking God, “I am begging you, when I wake up in the morning I want to be a girl.” Her struggle with her gender identity only became worse when she turned thirteen and puberty began. At thirteen years old, Jewish boys have a xbar mitzvah, a major rite of passage that is said to mark the occasion when a boy finally becomes a man, which only isolated her further from her peers and family. Despite her extreme unhappiness, Stein continued to live life as a man in order to assimilate with the standard customs of her culture, going to a Yeshiva and eventually becoming a rabbi.

With this new knowledge of her gender identity, she knew she had to leave the Hasidic community because they would never accept her as a woman. When one leaves the community, it is typical for them to lose all contact with their family and friends who continue to follow Hasidism. This made the decision to leave extremely difficult, as Stein would lose the people who were close to her throughout her entire life. After she stepped out for the first time into a world that was not the inner bubble of her own religious community, she experienced a culture shock; she knew barely any English, did not know how to dress, had no knowledge of science or American history, and was only educated in math up until the level of long-division. She recalls, “It’s like being an immigrant in your own country.” Stein was the first transgender person to ever embrace her identity and leave the Hasidic community.

Despite being an outsider, Stein learned English, earned a high school diploma, and even was accepted into Columbia University. While in college, she began hormone replacement therapy and officially changed her name to Abby on November 11, 2015. Inspiration for the name came from a strong female character named Abigail in the Bible, and because the Talmud said that Abby was one of the most beautiful women to have ever lived. She told her father of her identity as a woman a few months after starting hormone treatments. Since she informed her parents of her transition, they have not spoken to her. In 2013, she officially divorced her wife. However, she still sees her son and two of her twelve siblings. Unfortunately, her parents have refused to maintain contact with her, despite her sending her father a text every week.